Comments on: Dealing with Toxic People http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/ Healthy Living for the Masses Fri, 29 Aug 2008 00:36:40 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.4 by: Valerie http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/#comment-57489 Thu, 26 Jun 2008 00:59:25 +0000 http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/#comment-57489 Hey Gerri my love, Your sittuation seems very simular to my mothers and mine. From what you are saying, it sounds like your husband has, what is now called a personality dissorder. You can look it up on the internet and you will find lots of helpful information. Do this as soon as you can and always try to remember, that this is his sickness and that YOU are not at fault. There are people who truely love you and want to help. Gerri, you are brave for comming out like this. What you are doing is the first step to real healing and next time he starts in with you, say STOP and that he dose not have the right to abuse you. If he keeps on and starts to follow you then, you have the right to leave. Keep cool and calm and be FIRM with him. He may not like it but, the more you do this the more easy it will become and you will get stronger. This is abuse and it is not ok. My prayers and thoughts are with you and all men and women just like you. Hey Gerri my love,

Your sittuation seems very simular to my mothers and mine. From what you are saying, it sounds like your husband has, what is now called a personality dissorder. You can look it up on the internet and you will find lots of helpful information. Do this as soon as you can and always try to remember, that this is his sickness and that YOU are not at fault. There are people who truely love you and want to help. Gerri, you are brave for comming out like this. What you are doing is the first step to real healing and next time he starts in with you, say STOP and that he dose not have the right to abuse you. If he keeps on and starts to follow you then, you have the right to leave. Keep cool and calm and be FIRM with him. He may not like it but, the more you do this the more easy it will become and you will get stronger. This is abuse and it is not ok.

My prayers and thoughts are with you and all men and women just like you.

]]> by: Jenna http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/#comment-53480 Tue, 29 Apr 2008 08:06:49 +0000 http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/#comment-53480 There is no doubt. Negative people affect us. I've never been a moocher. After moving 8,000 miles and still not able to get work due to the language and the job market, I have stupidly adopted all of my husband's toxic traits and living a "first class" mooch life that I NEVER wanted and highly detest. I'm not sure if it was by my genius husband's skills to disempower me or my naive trust in people, but toxic people do affect how you behave. Sadly, I recognize how much work it will take to get myself out of this muck of a life I'm leading. Toxic people bring you down and then they leave you all alone to deal with the mess of your own ignored life and the one they always seemingly complain about. Talking to these people never helps. They're not interested in you or even in finding solutions. It's normmal for them to criticize and complain constantly. That's how they justfy being alive and of course if they're unhappy, no one should be allowed to be happy either. I guess it's about fitting into their scripts, and you don't have a choice in the role you want to play. They don't play nice either. Whatever you get into, just make sure you preserve yourself, your life or the parts of your life that bring you happiness and joy in your heart. It's sad when you are forced to give up yourself to someone or a life which cares very little about your own personality but ensures that you 'function' simply in a practical sense - their comfort. It's been 2 years since we've been recieving congratulations for our marriage vows but I've lost the biggest part of myself. Yes, it was plain stupidity and I recognize that I must save myself by finding myself once again. When you do all the things that toxic people want you to do, it doesn't make anything better. They're ALWAYS miserable, so avoid going through all the hard stuff and remember that you're the diamond and not the metal that holds the diamond. I'm not divorcing this character but I've decided that the best thing I can do is to shine like I've never shined before. I miss my life, my passions and the woman I once was. I'm putting myself first and making my life a priority since putting him first is going nowhere. Who would have ever thought I would have stooped to this level where my life is busy doing laundry, cooking, waiting hand and foot for a fool and seemingly out of time to do my own things for me. I have to laugh at my sheer stupidity and at the brillance of my husband to manipulate me. We read that we should run away and avoid toxic people, but there isn't much about how to deal with them once they're leeched into our lives. Basically, I feel lied to. "Toxic Management" series. Toxic people will depress you, wipe out your enthusiasm for life and take away all illusion. You will get sick and you wont have energy to even think straight. They believe that misery loves company for some reason. Please, good luck to all of you and remember happiness is your birthright. It's not up for sacrifice or negotiation. There is no doubt. Negative people affect us. I’ve never been a moocher. After moving 8,000 miles and still not able to get work due to the language and the job market, I have stupidly adopted all of my husband’s toxic traits and living a “first class” mooch life that I NEVER wanted and highly detest. I’m not sure if it was by my genius husband’s skills to disempower me or my naive trust in people, but toxic people do affect how you behave. Sadly, I recognize how much work it will take to get myself out of this muck of a life I’m leading. Toxic people bring you down and then they leave you all alone to deal with the mess of your own ignored life and the one they always seemingly complain about. Talking to these people never helps. They’re not interested in you or even in finding solutions. It’s normmal for them to criticize and complain constantly. That’s how they justfy being alive and of course if they’re unhappy, no one should be allowed to be happy either. I guess it’s about fitting into their scripts, and you don’t have a choice in the role you want to play. They don’t play nice either. Whatever you get into, just make sure you preserve yourself, your life or the parts of your life that bring you happiness and joy in your heart. It’s sad when you are forced to give up yourself to someone or a life which cares very little about your own personality but ensures that you ‘function’ simply in a practical sense - their comfort. It’s been 2 years since we’ve been recieving congratulations for our marriage vows but I’ve lost the biggest part of myself. Yes, it was plain stupidity and I recognize that I must save myself by finding myself once again. When you do all the things that toxic people want you to do, it doesn’t make anything better. They’re ALWAYS miserable, so avoid going through all the hard stuff and remember that you’re the diamond and not the metal that holds the diamond. I’m not divorcing this character but I’ve decided that the best thing I can do is to shine like I’ve never shined before. I miss my life, my passions and the woman I once was. I’m putting myself first and making my life a priority since putting him first is going nowhere. Who would have ever thought I would have stooped to this level where my life is busy doing laundry, cooking, waiting hand and foot for a fool and seemingly out of time to do my own things for me. I have to laugh at my sheer stupidity and at the brillance of my husband to manipulate me. We read that we should run away and avoid toxic people, but there isn’t much about how to deal with them once they’re leeched into our lives. Basically, I feel lied to. “Toxic Management” series. Toxic people will depress you, wipe out your enthusiasm for life and take away all illusion. You will get sick and you wont have energy to even think straight. They believe that misery loves company for some reason. Please, good luck to all of you and remember happiness is your birthright. It’s not up for sacrifice or negotiation.

]]> by: sff http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/#comment-48367 Mon, 25 Feb 2008 00:31:31 +0000 http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/#comment-48367 Thank you so much for your advice I have really been having a hard time with my sisters and parents ..... Thank you so much for your advice I have really been having a hard time with my sisters and parents …..

]]> by: Karinne http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/#comment-46499 Thu, 07 Feb 2008 16:56:31 +0000 http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/#comment-46499 Moochers are the worst kind. I was friends with this woman who at first seemed nice. She was going through a divorce and I felt sorry for her. She started asking me to do all kinds of favors for her. It started out slowly. She wanted me to help her move and pack boxes, this took a long time. I was willing to help out. Then she wanted me to help her clean her new house claiming she did not "feel well enough to do it herself". She even wanted my husband to come over and do handyman stuff for her. He told her no and later asked her to quit calling him. Then she wanted me to keep her pets while she went out of town; I agreed to do this, but when she got back from her trip, she asked if I could keep them permanently and whined that she just couldn't care for them anymore - I told her "no", since we already have pets of our own. I felt this was very opportunistic of her and very wrong. She was always whining to me about her divorce problems. I was always either a shoulder for her to cry on, or a person to help her with her chores. Everything just started piling up with this woman. I am just tired of her and don't want her in my life anymore. She is a first class moocher. I can't even stand the sight of her face anymore. Its sad when a grown woman expects everyone to take care of her, but that is really what she expects. She feels entitled. She only wants people who can do things for her. Moochers are the worst kind.

I was friends with this woman who at first seemed nice. She was going through a divorce and I felt sorry for her. She started asking me to do all kinds of favors for her. It started out slowly. She wanted me to help her move and pack boxes, this took a long time. I was willing to help out. Then she wanted me to help her clean her new house claiming she did not “feel well enough to do it herself”. She even wanted my husband to come over and do handyman stuff for her. He told her no and later asked her to quit calling him. Then she wanted me to keep her pets while she went out of town; I agreed to do this, but when she got back from her trip, she asked if I could keep them permanently and whined that she just couldn’t care for them anymore - I told her “no”, since we already have pets of our own. I felt this was very opportunistic of her and very wrong. She was always whining to me about her divorce problems. I was always either a shoulder for her to cry on, or a person to help her with her chores. Everything just started piling up with this woman. I am just tired of her and don’t want her in my life anymore. She is a first class moocher. I can’t even stand the sight of her face anymore. Its sad when a grown woman expects everyone to take care of her, but that is really what she expects. She feels entitled. She only wants people who can do things for her.

]]> by: P.Y http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/#comment-40933 Mon, 17 Dec 2007 22:33:38 +0000 http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/#comment-40933 A TOXIC MOOCHER STORY. I ended a friendship w/a toxic person named Lynne 4 years ago. On the surface she appeared to be a nice person....But time showed me who & what is really is. She was constantly taking and never giving anything to our friendship. She'd do the craziest, self centered & cheapest things. Ex: Come empty handed to "pot luck" dinners,come to parties uninvited, not order food at restaurants (but eat off of others plates), return things to stores that she'd purchased @ yardsales & whine until they'd give her a full refund. I finally called her out on her toxic/selfish/self-centered ways 4 years ago. She is one of those toxic persons that ia an "opputunistic moocher". She made friends w/some of my group of friends and still "hovers" around at times. They "tolerate her & make nice with her", even though they recognise the way she uses people. She showed up at a(uninvited) party myself & another friend hosted the other evening. It was an RSVP by invitation only party. My friend Ann (who's home it was at) asked her what she was doing there, informed her that that she was not on the guest list and asked her to leave. I was relieved and am glad that my Ann stood her ground & told Lynne (The Toxic Moocher) to leave. I plan on being absent from several hoiliday parties....as Lynne the Toxic Moocher will surely be there spreading her toxic cheer! LOL! A TOXIC MOOCHER STORY.

I ended a friendship w/a toxic person named Lynne 4 years ago. On the surface she appeared to be a nice person….But time showed me who & what is really is. She was constantly taking and never giving anything to our friendship. She’d do the craziest, self centered & cheapest things. Ex: Come empty handed to “pot luck” dinners,come to parties uninvited, not order food at restaurants (but eat off of others plates), return things to stores that she’d purchased @ yardsales & whine until they’d give her a full refund.

I finally called her out on her toxic/selfish/self-centered ways 4 years ago. She is one of those toxic persons that ia an “opputunistic moocher”.

She made friends w/some of my group of friends and still “hovers” around at times. They “tolerate her & make nice with her”, even though they recognise the way she uses people.

She showed up at a(uninvited) party myself & another friend hosted the other evening. It was an RSVP by invitation only party. My friend Ann (who’s home it was at) asked her what she was doing there, informed her that that she was not on the guest list and asked her to leave. I was relieved and am glad that my Ann stood her ground & told Lynne (The Toxic Moocher) to leave.

I plan on being absent from several hoiliday parties….as Lynne the Toxic Moocher will surely be there spreading her toxic cheer! LOL!

]]> by: A.M http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/#comment-34217 Fri, 12 Oct 2007 00:24:23 +0000 http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/#comment-34217 This article is really good,it helped me get better. This toxic person happens to be my supervisor so i cant avoid her and have to put up with her everyday. She is very manipulative and tries to make me miserable with every chance she gets. I just ignore her, except for work related issues. Its sad that there are actually people like that out there (this is the first time I ran into a toxic person) This article is really good,it helped me get better. This toxic person happens to be my supervisor so i cant avoid her and have to put up with her everyday. She is very manipulative and tries to make me miserable with every chance she gets.
I just ignore her, except for work related issues. Its sad that there are actually people like that out there (this is the first time I ran into a toxic person)

]]> by: M.T. http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/#comment-28430 Sun, 22 Jul 2007 23:27:21 +0000 http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/#comment-28430 My sister as well. This artical made me realize that though I love her she is hurting me and I need to distance myself from her My sister as well. This artical made me realize that though I love her she is hurting me and I need to distance myself from her

]]> by: Gerri Harkin http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/#comment-26682 Sun, 01 Jul 2007 16:21:00 +0000 http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/#comment-26682 I am married for 52 years to the toxic person in my life. He is retired, and has nothing to do but watch what I do and ridicule me all day long. He curses at me and calls me stupid if I have a difference of opinion. He seems threatened if I don't sgree with him. He throws up past mistakes and thinks he is perfect with no blemishes. I feel drained every day and am constantly filled with ttears which I refuse to shed in front of him. The only happiness I have is spending time with my 21/2 yr olf granddaughter. Even that makes him jealous and he says I am buying her love if I give her a treat.He is jealous of my relationships with my children (7) and tells them I put him in the poor house. My mother left me a house and $35,000 . He made it into a two family and rented the apartment for 20 years and sold it and kept the money, I have nothing in my pocket and have to ask him for everything. Help me get a backbone and save myself. I am married for 52 years to the toxic person in my life. He is retired, and has nothing to do but watch what I do and ridicule me all day long. He curses at me and calls me stupid if I have a difference of opinion. He seems threatened if I don’t sgree with him. He throws up past mistakes and thinks he is perfect with no blemishes. I feel drained every day and am constantly filled with ttears which I refuse to shed in front of him. The only happiness I have is spending time with my 21/2 yr olf granddaughter. Even that makes him jealous and he says I am buying her love if I give her a treat.He is jealous of my relationships with my children (7) and tells them I put him in the poor house. My mother left me a house and $35,000 . He made it into a two family and rented the apartment for 20 years and sold it and kept the money, I have nothing in my pocket and have to ask him for everything. Help me get a backbone and save myself.

]]> by: E.B. http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/#comment-24241 Thu, 07 Jun 2007 08:11:04 +0000 http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/#comment-24241 My sister too...and she really puts so much effort into dragging me down so that she can feel good. My sister too…and she really puts so much effort into dragging me down so that she can feel good.

]]> by: N.M. http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/#comment-21823 Thu, 17 May 2007 02:48:14 +0000 http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/#comment-21823 This article really calmed me and will help me to deal with the toxic person in my life, my sister. This article really calmed me and will help me to deal with the toxic person in my life, my sister.

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